Estrangement Island

The Buddhist Monk Poet Nichiren struggling though Sado Island's winter.

The Buddhist Monk Poet Nichiren struggling though Sado Island’s winter.

I live on the Isle of Estrangement,

mourning the one who sent me here,

with the words “I’m cutting you off.”

 

The mainland Normalcy–

a place where people forgive and talk things through,

is sometimes visible through the haze.

 

If I thought I wouldn’t be turned away,

I’d attempt to cross the frigid straits,

As it is, with no beacon, the one with the boat must return.

 

In the meantime, I worry all those who visit,

this private space where I grieve,

will tire of my sad face.

 

So with a sense of desperation I teach,

of how it was I came here to exist,

hoping they will stay a while,

on my island of exile,

this place called Estrangement.

 Bonsai

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16 thoughts on “Estrangement Island

  1. This is a deep and sad poem. Also, beautifully written. Are you feeling like this now? Is this how you used to feel? I used to gaze longingly at the place called, “Normal.” I discovered that is only found in heaven.

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    • The holidays are a tough time for sure. I have been in exile for about 8 months and cannot do anything to change it. My husband is very supportive and everything else is fine, but often I feel alone inside as if I’m very far away. Thank you for asking Belle.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Yes I do WW! In public I’m fairly good as I feel responsible to make others feel comfortable, but in my core the guilt still chews away. It’s a cover up job most of the time and I’m sure that comes through on many occasions. Very observant.

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  2. This is so sad to read.
    I believe in the power of positive thinking and the law of attractions. Start speaking positively what you want into being even when the contrary is happening.
    Don’t be afraid to try to bridge the gap and offer an olive branch even if rejection is thrown in your face. Love will win over estrangement. Start believing. Stay blessed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Jacquline. I have been reaching out every 10 days or so. We sent gifts as we would have given them in person too. It has been 8 months. I asked or pastor to pray with me yesterday too. I try to take care of myself as it is the only thing over which I have control. Thank you for your kind words. I know you are correct.

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  3. This is the first time I am here. And reading this, reflects how tough the going is is for you. I hope you get what you wish for soon.
    Be brave. And believe that the best is yet to come..🙂

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  4. Your encouragement means a lot to me. It has been eight months. I send notes, gifts on holidays just the same. Nothing. It is like stages of grief but almost worse sometimes as you know they are there.

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  5. Your poem touched me deeply. I share your island for over ten years. You expressed the range of emotion well, especially fear of your mourning becoming tiresome to your remaining loyal friends. Bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading. One month ago I came out of the depths and after having spent a couple of weeks away, I think I’ve even passed the glum stage. It struck me on Mother’s Day that by being so down I was being less than my best and that didn’t help matters. Although my being down may satisfy the child; or rather if I’m not down the child may think I don’t care or miss her, that is not at all the case and those close to me know that. So I send my “note in a bottle” every now and then saying in effect, “If you want to visit me on my island please come” or “If you would send a raft for me I’ll get on it and visit you whom I dearly miss.” That’s it (smiley face.).

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  6. I’m so sorry, my friend. Perhaps she has relegated herself to her own isolation island for an emotional sabbatical of sorts. Of course, I don’t know. Only wishing I could take your pain away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It has been going on a year and I’ve come to terms with it as best I can in order to be well for others who need me. I’ve taken a personal inventory and am trying to be the best person I can be. That is all I can do. Thank you for reaching out.

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